Rules of Engagement

DH has been such a good sport through all this mess. He has tried so hard to make our parting of ways amicable.

And I...I have been nothing but a troublemaker and an instigator.

Despite my poor behavior, DH is, it turns out, determined to be the peacemaker. He wants so badly for us to get along civilly. He's just a good guy, trying his best to get along.

He invited me over on Labor Day to get the remainder of my personal belongings. Or as he phrased it, so he "didn't have to spend the money on gas to drive to see DD."

As I was packing up my things in the bedroom, I noticed out of the corner of my eye something that required closer examination.

It was a note on my dresser. It was for me. A note to me!

DH had gone and written me a list of rules for how to behave in our divorce.

I flushed with embarrassment at the thought that I had been so wayward in my behavior as to require rules.

I quickly photographed them so that I might memorize them at my leisure. I have also written them on my bathroom mirror in lipstick.


RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

1. No name calling. (I can only assume DH has taken offense to the title of my blog.)

2. Don't keep trying to get me to UNDERSTAND or ACKNOWLEDGE you. (Fine, then I will ignore you too and whistle the tune to the Dukes of Hazard every time you open your mouth to speak.)

3. Do not do or say things out of SPITE, like make phone calls. Because whether or not you think I am right or WRONG or your family or friends or a therapist agree you, I DON'T and these things will make me unhappy and bitter. (Okay, everyone must IMMEDIATELY stop thinking poorly of DH. We simply wouldn't want him to become unhappy.)

4. Please when I say STOP NOW it is because I am becoming frustrated and angry and I don't do well like that. It brings back Bad Mood DH and I will never be Bad Mood DH again. I don't want anyone to hear or see that DH. (Generally, when you have a NAME for your alter ego...that's not a good sign.)

5. Sometimes I feel like I am being grilled or interrogated. I hate that. (Hmmm...so my "good cop, bad cop" routine is working then?)

In light of DH's benevolent willingness to help me be better behaved, I am going to put a most sincere effort into getting along. Perhaps next time we speak I will tell him he is looking rather dashing in his straight jacket and padded room.