And The Award Goes To...

It really is hard to tell at this point in time who is the...er...less sensible of the two - DH or his attorney.

In light of the recent subpoenas I have received, I am left no room but to speculate that someone must be up to no good.

Who is in charge here, exactly? Is it DH, directing his attorney's bizarre behavior like a schizophrenic puppeteer?

Or is DH's attorney pulling a fast one on him, having somehow discerned that DH might be a bit...lacking...in the intellectual astuteness department (in addition to having vast quantities of cash lying around that would convert very nicely to attorney's fees.)?

SOMEBODY in this whole business is obviously forgetting to THINK.

Subpoenaed item #1 out of 52 different items was...

ALL TAX RETURNS FILED EITHER INDIVIDUALLY OR JOINTLY WITHIN THE PAST THREE YEARS.

Hmmm...Well, at least that shouldn't be too difficult. I mean, I'll just go to my file marked "Tax Returns" and make a photocopy.

Oh, wait.

I was married for the past three years. I filed jointly with DH. He has all of the tax returns in HIS file at HIS home.

I don't have any copies at all.

Oh dear.

I would hate to be found in contempt of court for not complying with DH's attorney's subpoena.

So I called DH.

Me: DH, I will need to get a copy of the tax returns from you. *snicker* *snicker*...er...*cough* *cough*..,Oh my goodness, I seem to be choking on a cracker *snicker* *cough*

DH: Why do you need that?

Me: Because you have subpoenaed them from me. So, I will need to get a copy from you so I can go to Kinkos and pay to make another copy for my attorney. Then, I will give my attorney his copy and pay him to make another copy for your attorney. Then I will have to pay my attorney to send that copy to your attorney and I'll also have to pay for him to type a cover letter. Then, you will have to pay your attorney to make a copy for you. Then, you will have to pay your attorney to mail that copy to you. Most likely, he will be including a cover letter, as well. You'll have to pay for that, too. Then you will have a copy of the tax returns that you have subpoenaed. *snicker* *cough* *cough* So sorry, very tricky cracker I've got stuck in my throat there.

DH: Oh, okay. Well, you can come over on Saturday and take the tax returns to make a copy.

Me: Okay. Then you will have the original tax returns and the copies I paid my attorney to make, so I could pay him to send them to your attorney, so you could pay your attorney to send them to you. You'll have both then. Does that sound good? *snicker* *snort* *cough*

DH: Yeah, that's fine.

Me: Hmmm...it seems like it will be a bit costly to get you copies of the documents you already have. Does your attorney communicate with you much before making decisions, or does he just spend your money all crazy-like? *snicker* *cough*

DH: I don't know what game you are trying to play. *click*

Is he serious? ME, playing games? As far as I can see, I have been no more than a spectator to his...what would you even call his behavior? Really, I am becoming more and more convinced that he was abducted by aliens and received brain cell transfusions from extraterrestrial fungi.