Saturday, December 8, 2007

What's Mine Is Mine

And what's yours is mine, too.

That would be DH's way of thinking of things.

Since all of the toys I have gotten for DD are possessed by little mythical beings that peck out eyes and bite off fingers (or at the very least are dangerous choking hazards), DH had to bring along a new toy for DD to play with while he was visiting this week.

So they played with DD's new toy.

As he was leaving, he picked up the toy and took it with him.

In an ever-so-perplexed manner, I inquired as to why he would be taking DD's toy with him.

"Because I bought it," he said.

This would be the most bizarre ritual of gift-giving I have ever encountered. Giving a child a toy, then taking it back when he left?

My therapist (yes, I go to a therapist because I am "nuts", "insane", and "crazy"), prefers to view this behavior as an extreme form of manipulation and control.

Surprisingly, DH thinks my therapist is as crazy as I am.

Despite being completely unbalanced and incapable of rational thought, I have instituted a new rule that any toy brought into DD's home for DD shall stay in DD's home until such time as I see fit to sell it at a garage sale, donate it to Goodwill, or bury it under a tree in the back yard.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

The Replacement

No, not by Beth.

She's long gone.

Turns out, he was only using her. He told me so.

It was his way of explaining why it was okay.

You know, kind of like the Work Ho fling was okay because it was only a one night stand.

But, really, I have been replaced. By the most unexpected of people.

I took Molly up to visit yesterday, per my court-ordered obligation. Right there, smack dab in the middle of the wall, hanging slightly askew, was a picture of DH with his ex-wife #1.

How odd. I distinctly remember our wedding picture hanging in that exact same spot not long ago.

Apparently, now that all his misguided anger and bitterness are directed at me, he has abandoned his hatred for his first wife and is left feeling all fluffy and cuddly toward her.

Too bad she detests him as much as I do.

But not to worry. He already has another love interest in the works.

I'm sure it will work out splendidly.