Friday, June 1, 2007

Exhibit C

Here is "Exhibit C" that has been made a part of official court document. It amuses me to no end that the name of my blog and this particular entry will be read by the judge. It makes DH look so...oh, what's the word...respectable.

Next thing you know, DH will be having me investigated for allowing an infant to drive a motor vehicle.

I had deleted this post from my blog a while back, so I'm posting it again for anyone who may have missed it.


*As you all know by now, DH has been emptying all our bank and investment accounts in preparation for a divorce at a rate of $700 per day, with several lump sums of $25,000 to $75,000 disappearing all at once.*

I was bored. I was also passing by. So I thought I’d stop by my house to take a look around, see if there was anything interesting there that I might wish to “acquire” for myself.

Upon arrival, I discovered that DH had replaced all the doors and windows without telling me. Even the garage door opener. My keys would be no good here.


I thought, what the heck, I’ll try the front door anyway.


We went in. After a long and thorough search of about 3 minutes, we finally found his well hidden stash of cash in his underwear drawer.

I took a pinch. Just a pinch. Nothing noticeable to the human eye. DD was urging me to take more. To take it all. But I said no. We didn’t want to blow our cover, especially since I’d left my secret agent disguise at home.

As we were leaving, a glimmer of light caught me out of the corner of my left eye.

Like a raccoon, I was drawn to the shimmer. Upon closer inspection, I discovered buckets upon buckets of coins carefully concealed on the kitchen counter and floor.

These were from our vending machine business that we owned. It appeared as though DH had given up rolling and depositing coins. He had chosen instead to fill his house with them.

I evened the buckets out a bit, just to be tidy.

Not wishing to overstay our welcome, we left in the same manner we had arrived – under cover of daylight. DD hummed a catchy James Bond tune and drove the getaway car (her motor skills are quite advanced for her age).

It was a difficult task, to say the least – after all, I am up against a very smart man – but in the end we got away with $X,XXX and a grocery bag full of quarters.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Oh No, He Did Not!? Vol.2

Oh No, he did not????!!!! Vol. 2

So, while DH is out of the country (without telling me) for two weeks, I went over to my (former) home to check things out (a.k.a. snoop).

Apparently the intellectual genius who is my DH thought he would make a divorce less economically damaging. He has been gradually removing money from the bank for the past 3 months. Every day, $700 is being electronically withdrawn from one of the accounts. The others are nearly empty already, having had large lump sums removed as cash.

He has also opened a whole series of accounts at other banks. And changed the passwords for the investment accounts. And taken out a home equity line of credit worth almost the ENTIRE value of the equity in our home.

In other words, he now has CASH for ALL the equity in our home and the house is worth nothing.

It's a lot of money.

I can't figure out yet where the money has gone, but he also opened a safe deposit box at another bank.

Given his exceedingly advanced capacity for complex thought , I am guessing he has put all the cash into the safe deposit box.

And I have copies of it all.

Did I mention my DH is an idiot?

Oh, and my attorney appointment is on Thursday. Hopefully, I will have the divorce papers filed and waiting for him when he gets back from his trip .