Thursday, July 19, 2007

A Reversal of Fortunes

He read it.

I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen. It has been a week. I thought the dissolution of his marriage might have been noteworthy enough to read about. Especially since he had tried so hard to work things out.

I guess he had more important things to do.

Like go surfing in the desert.

It would be safe, I believe, to assume that his reading of the documents precipitated his angry tirade the other day. Whew! Maybe I'm not such a GDFB after all!

True to form, he called the next morning and...I could hardly believe this...ACTED LIKE NONE OF IT HAPPENED!

Oh, he was pleasant...all chit chatty and accomodating. He even said I could come over any time to get anything I wanted. He would leave the door unlocked. He would make sure I had a key.

What a gentleman!

This was, of course, after he had changed the locks twice and told me I was never allowed in again.

But wait! There's more!

In the course of my daily inspection of the bank accounts, I received yet another shocking surprise! I know, DH sure keeps me on my toes with the shocks and surprises!

There were three sizable DEPOSITS made to the bank accounts on the day of his tirade.


And they were CASH!

I wonder where it all came from?

It was, by no means, all of the money. More than a pinch, but less than an armful.

Let's call it a fistful. Three of them. Put back into the accounts.

Now, why on earth would he do that? To make himself look less guilty?

Good Job DH! How very effective!

I can hardly wait to see what happens to the rest of the money. How much fun will I have watching him try to dig himself out of his hole?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What Went Wrong

DH called to inflict upon me the rantings of a man on the verge of a breakdown. Specifically, he wanted to let me know what I did wrong to bring about the end of our marriage. In his uncontrolled rage, it was difficult to make sense of his communications, so I have attempted to summarize.

I am a G** D*** F***ing B****!
I am a GDFB!

I had a plan from the beginning.
A devious plan. A devilish plan.
I married him with a devious, devilish plan.
I planned to take the money and run.
Take the money and run.
I planned to have a baby and leave.
To leave. Oh yes, I planned to leave.

I am a GDFB!
I am a GDFB!

It's not how it was supposed to be.
He told me so. I should have listened.
I would work and he would play.
He would surf and play all day.
Frolic and play and surf all day.
But now he has to work instead.
To work. Until he is dead.

I am a GDFB!
I am a GDFB!

I am smarter than him.
I have a plan.
I am going to win.
He just doesn't know how.
Yes, I am smarter than him.
He told me so. He knows that now.

I am a GDFB!
I am a GDFB!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Sneak Attack!

Once again, I found myself passing by my old home.

As before, the lure of discovery and the drive of adrenaline were just too much to resist. I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to the promise of adventure as DH is drawn to his mistresses.

But I couldn't risk being seen by questioning neighbors. My cover would be blown.

I needed a disguise.

Rummaging through the contents of my vehicle I found what I needed.

It is amazing what a cotton receiving blanket, a pair of sunglasses, curly brown doll's hair, bright red lipstick, and a seductive pout can do to hide one's identity.

I approached the door, key in hand. Now, DH had just recently changed the locks, but I had gotten a key last time I stopped by.

Turning the key in the lock, I received a shocking surprise!

He had changed the lock again!

Stunned at his obsession for keeping me out of the house, I returned to my car.

What is it that he could be hiding in there?

I drove away, defeated for now, but determined to find a way to get some answers. The plans are already taking shape...

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Surf's Up!

I am absolutely giddy right now.

I am just ROFL while peeing in my pants kind of jovial.

DH has no idea. None. About anything.

How can he be so lacking in any sort of sense?

He just called me.

Me: How was your weekend?

DH: Okay. I just hung out with [grown] DC. We just hung out.

Me: Did you surf?

DH: Uh...we did.

Me: In the morning or the afternoon.

DH: Uh...well, the morning.

Me: How was the water? (BTW, I'd checked the surf was 64 degrees and windy).

DH:, it was warm. It was 75 degrees and clean [non-windy]. It was really clean. And warm. It was nice.

Me: Did you go with the guys?

DH: Um...well, um...Xxx went. But, um, Yyy and Zzz were not around.

Me: Oh, it's so nice you got to surf with DC. *stifled giggle*

DH: Yeah, it was good to just kick back at the beach with DC and surf.

He never got the memo that his wife has SuperMan X-ray Vision Telescopic Cat Eyes in the Back of Her Head.

In case anyone was wondering...there is no beach and no surf in the MIDDLE OF THE DESERT, where his debit card places him. Unless he drove 1,200 miles round trip just to get gas.

I hope he goes to sleep tonight with his lying guilty conscience eating away at him like an infestation of diseased bedbugs.