Thursday, May 17, 2007

A Frolic in the Lake

Just part of the ongoing saga that is my doomed marriage (to an emotionally abusive man)...

I guess I *know* in my head that I am right, it's just that this keeps coming up over and over and over again and it's wearing me down.

Two months after we got married, DH and I went to a lake with his best friend from way back, wife, and 2 kids.

Turns out, DH had had a long-term affair with his friend's wife 20 years ago when DH was married to his first wife.

During the whole trip, this woman's behavior towards DH was grossly inappropriate. An observer would have thought they were dating. (Sitting at eye level with DH with her legs spread in her bathing suit tossing a beach ball, sharing a sundae with DH and NOT her husband, rubbing sunscreen on his back and asking for the same in return, sitting in the front seat of OUR truck with DH, while I had to sit in the back seat totally ignored, "helping" him into his water sport gear and wrestling with him in the water, calling him pet names, telling me SHE was his best friend and always would be, wanting to ride the jetski with him and not her husband, constantly touching him casually, etc.)

Anyway, my response when we got home was to make it clear that I trusted DH, but that this woman's behavior hurt me, especially given their history. DH said I just needed to "listen to him" and believe nothing was going on.

Um, yeah. I said I didn't think anything was going on - having another woman put her hands all over my DH and minimize my role as wife - THAT'S what bothered me.

DH refused to cancel any future trips with this family. He said he had made a mistake by bringing me and would not bring me again.

HELLO - I'm his WIFE! But he insisted on his "if it bothers you, don't look" policy.

He said if I ever brought it up again he would divorce me.

I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I called her and told her to leave my husband alone. DH freaked out and just about threw me out of the house.

Our (male) therapist said DH and this woman crossed very clear boundries and I was just doing what I needed to protect my marriage from a crisis. It was supposed to be resolved.

That was three years ago.

I was still hearing about it at least every month until I left in March.

DH is still talking about it with his current therapist. He still thinks the only problem was bringing me along, not that this woman was inappropriate and should have been stopped.

So, it's okay to cavort with a married woman, just don't let your wife see.

If it has been this long, with this much therapy, and DH is still thinking this way, I don't see any hope for him ever changing. In fact, I think I'm pretty well done.

Please tell me I'm right. Please?

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