Friday, September 14, 2007

The Second Mediation


I woke up in the Twilight Zone.

Our mediator was a reincarnation of Kathy Bates' character in the movie Misery.

I do believe she also had fangs.

And horns.

They must have imported her from Were the Wild Things Are.

Either that, or I forgot to remove the "I'm an unfit human, please berate me" sign from my forehead before I arrived.

She gave me approximately 5 minutes 8 seconds to speak. DH was given upwards of an hour. During one pause in his sob story about how I had abandoned him and taken his daughter away from him, I asked very nicely if I would have an opportunity to respond.

She abruptly informed me that I had already had a chance to tell her everything and it was his turn. She then bit off three of my toes and spit poison in my left eye.

I, she would have me know, am "highly reactive, overly sensitive, and high strung".

That seems to be a lot to garner from a person who sat quietly and patiently while being insulted for eating too much cheese while she was pregnant.

We are both bitter and nasty towards one another, she said. Again, I'm not certain how she was able to come to this conclusion, as I was not given the opportunity to behave bitterly or nastily. Anytime she did allow me to speak, she promptly cut me off mid-sentence because she felt everything I was saying was irrelevant.

Most importantly, were DH's observations that I contributed nothing to our marriage, lied, exaggerated, withheld information, stole his baby, and turned my father against him. Oh, and I ate his cheese.

She asked me to explain exactly why I would have stayed married to him if he were really abusive and why I would have had a baby.

You know, blame the victim.

She also rolled her eyes at me once and criticized me for staying married to an abusive man.

I'm currently waiting to hear back from my attorney.

My mom is currently on the phone to SeaWorld to see if they are planning to release any sharks to the wild. There is particular surf spot in our area she would like to recommend.


flatbrokefarms said...

Oh no! I am sorry it did not go well for you. I hope you can get your attorney to sort this crap out!!! This woman sounds like a va-jay-jayhat.


Devan said...


The Flower Maiden said...

I'm sorry! ((((hug)))) I hope your attorney can get this sorted cause she sounds like a big beeyotch! I wish the first mediator would have finished her job, then you wouldn't be going through this crap!

Melanie said...

Geez, unbelievable.

floreksa said...

Dear lord, I hope that mediator has a reputation for being an asshat and all judges know it!

amy said...

Wow, that is just not right. I'm so sorry it didn't go well.

dkscott2002 said...

Oh no! I hope things work out in your favor. I cannot believe that crazy lady.

Amanda said...

i can't stop thinking of you and your daughter... i wish nothing more than the best for you two.

Sandy said...

Un-Freakin-Believeable! Maybe she left her personality or compassion at home the day that you met with her.

moobabe1 said...

I have checked in here repeatedly in the last couple of weeks and I just wanted to know if you were OK. As funny as I have found your blog, I realize that this is your life...and I hope you are doing OK since you last posted. Any updates on custody?

Devan said...

Thinking about you and hoping everything is alright. ((hugs))

mommytanya05 said...

Just checking on you too. I check in daily, I hope everything is okay.

The Flower Maiden said...

I too check in here daily and am getting a little concerned. I hope everything is alright! Update us when you can. ((hug))