I am absolutely giddy right now.
I am just ROFL while peeing in my pants kind of jovial.
DH has no idea. None. About anything.
How can he be so lacking in any sort of sense?
He just called me.
Me: How was your weekend?
DH: Okay. I just hung out with [grown] DC. We just hung out.
Me: Did you surf?
DH: Uh...we did.
Me: In the morning or the afternoon.
DH: Uh...well, the morning.
Me: How was the water? (BTW, I'd checked the surf report...it was 64 degrees and windy).
DH: Oh...um, it was warm. It was 75 degrees and clean [non-windy]. It was really clean. And warm. It was nice.
Me: Did you go with the guys?
DH: Um...well, um...Xxx went. But, um, Yyy and Zzz were not around.
Me: Oh, it's so nice you got to surf with DC. *stifled giggle*
DH: Yeah, it was good to just kick back at the beach with DC and surf.
He never got the memo that his wife has SuperMan X-ray Vision Telescopic Cat Eyes in the Back of Her Head.
In case anyone was wondering...there is no beach and no surf in the MIDDLE OF THE DESERT, where his debit card places him. Unless he drove 1,200 miles round trip just to get gas.
I hope he goes to sleep tonight with his lying guilty conscience eating away at him like an infestation of diseased bedbugs.