Saturday, August 11, 2007

A Few Things You Should Know

I thought I would pass on a few tidbits I forgot to mention about my custody meeting.

DH tried to get the mediator alone.

Yeah, I know...he tried that move with his mistress from work, too.

He must not have read up on the definition of mediation before attending. We had barely rested our hindquarters on the sofa when he raised his hand to make a "special request."

Could the mediator meet with him first, then with me? Separately.

Why? She inquired.

Because he would simply feel more comfortable that way.

But we only do that if there is a restraining order for domestic violence. Do you have one of those?

No, he said, but he still would prefer if we could meet apart from one another because I am better at explaining things than he is.

Too bad, she said.

Hmmm...I must be a formidable enemy if he is requesting court protection against my articulation skills.

~~~~~

At one point, she asked if either of us was in counseling.

Yes, I said.

She thought that was fantastic. What about you, Mr. Asshat?

No. He was not. He had been in counseling so many times in his life, he had lost count. They always told him the same thing. Over and over again. The same old thing. He's heard it all before. He doesn't need to hear it any more. Why should he be in counseling if he already knows what they are going to tell him.

I could tell the mediator was impressed. I began to worry.

Why would she award custody to the parent who needs professional help, when the other parent is so...stable.

I must try not to lay awake at night fretting over the favorable impression DH made upon the woman who will be deciding my baby's fate.

~~~~~

I mentioned previously that DH had whimpered and whined about the break up of his first marriage. I realize now that I did not specifically indicate that he actually cried about it during mediation.

Yes, he was facing the dismantling of his current marriage and he was crying over his heartache over his first divorce.

Did I mention that this divorce occurred nine years ago?

This strategy, I suspect, was highly effective in demonstrating to the mediator just how sensitive and caring he is capable of being in his role as father to a young child.

~~~~~

I had also noted his resistance to driving to my house due to the high cost of gas prices.

Wanting to be very precise in his reasons for insisting I drive to his house instead, he actually tallied up his projected gasoline bill out loud so the mediator would be very aware of how much it would cost him to visit his baby.

I'm surprised he didn't give her a list of all the things he would prefer to spend that money on.

~~~~~

I always fear that I misportray DH by omitting many of the details of my encounters with him. In the interest of accuracy, and given the extreme importance of this custody battle, I've added the above comments to ensure a fair and complete representation of DH, to the best of my ability.

3 comments:

flatbrokefarms said...

Thank you for such a vivid representation of your personal Asshat.


BossMare

dkscott2002 said...

I don't see how you could leave such a wonderful man! (Insert sarcasm)

Devan said...

Your last two posts had me giggling. He must be incredibly stupid...