Sunday, November 18, 2007

For The Sake Of Comparison

We all know by now what a dismal failure I was as the wife of an Asshat. I do hope DH has been a bit more selective in choosing his current girlfriend.

I thought to do a quick comparison to see how Beth stacked up.

Let's see...

~DH said I was fat at my pre-pregnancy weight of 145 and 5'3".
Beth is 175 and 5'3".

I wonder how long until DH starts to ration her cheese?

~I am blonde.
Beth is bleached blonde.

~I did not earn enough money per DH's expectation.
Beth earns substantially less.

~I can spell, or at least use a dictionary.
Beth prefers not to maintain skills in that area.

~I am 33.
Beth is 38 and might possibly have more wrinkles, bags, and overall sagginess than me.

~I have two cats that DH hated (and tried to feed to the neighborhood coyotes while I was moving out.)
Beth has something akin to a zoo and probably smells of cow manure and cat urine.

~I, while slightly more dramatic than the average folks, am most certainly mentally stable.
Beth appears to be somewhat of a cross between a manic-depressive and a Tazmanian Devil on crack, although I have no medical substantiation to these claims.

~I was baggage-free.
Beth has "a long history of bad relationships with men."

~I have flawless teeth.
Beth is snaggle-toothed.

Yep, I'd have to say he's taken a step up in the world.

4 comments:

Melanie said...

Go, Beth. LOL

d e v a n said...

She sounds like a keeper. Except maybe he should go several more steps down, cause he doesn't sound like a prize...

amy said...

They're perfect for each other.

dkscott2002 said...

She sounds lovely.